Brewsterware

May 30, 2007

Its time for Big Brother 8

Filed under: Rants — Joe Brewer @ 12:40 pm
Big Brother Logo

Yes, its that time of year when a group of 12 socially inept losers with few values and morals and little to no emotional intelligence who haven’t got anything better to do with their lives decide to share a household watched by millions. Then, when they get evicted, they try to make a career out of having been on TV. Yes, its time once again for Big Brother. How quickly time seems to go by when its not on.

As you have probably guessed by now, I am not a fan of Big Brother. For me this programme is probably the lowest form of entertainment, if I can call it that, to be aired on TV. Forget about the dog ugly Jade Goody, who seems to have little appreciation that Big Brother made her, and that its not alright to be offensive to anyone she likes, and the incident that caused a dent in her career. What I don’t like about Big Brother is that it offers me very little entertainment value, and no educational content whatsoever. I wonder how many other people feel the same way…

It seems that TV is resorting to showing more and more shocking behavior as their link bait. Check out this Dutch TV station that is going to be airing a gameshow where the prize is a dying person’s kidneys – to me, this sounds like something out
of a Stephen King novel.

May 26, 2007

SEO for Joomla

Filed under: Marketing — Joe Brewer @ 3:33 pm

A while ago I spent some money on an ebook (something I rarely do). I was expecting alot for the eighty dollars I had spent. On this occasion I was rewarded with loads of excellent quality information. The ebook was written by Aaron Wall, and for those of you not in the know, he is an expert at SEO.

The ebook is absolutely brilliant – not only does it tell you what to do to get high rankings in the search engines, but it teaches you how to think like an SEO expert. The material is worth at least double what he is selling it for.

I’ve been applying some of the ideas to a Joomla site that I working on and have seen much improvement. The first thing that I did was to find a componant that could rewrite the URLs as the default SEO URLs weren’t really worth switching on, although I beleive that this has been addressed in 1.5. At the time of writing the SEO URLs look like this:

www.domain.com/content/view/12/28/
www.domain.com/component/option,com_glossary/Itemid,32/

Meandering though the Joomla forums, I came across this blog which had several reviews of SEO URL componants. The best of which seems to be Artio’s SEO URL componant. It’s been through quite a few changes recently, most notably is the reduction of database queries which seems to have been the main complaint. I have been using it for a few weeks and it has been performing very well. The only thing that has been annoying me is that everytime you save the main configuration, all of the custom URLs, title tags, keyword and description meta tags get deleted.

As well as rewriting any URL, this componant will let you specify different keywords and descriptions for the meta tags for each page, even if you have used {mospagebreak} to break a document into several pages. However, after losing my custom keywords and descriptions several times (mainly because of development of a custom componant for a hypnosis glossary), I have come up with a patch. It requires a little hacking of core code, but I think its much better than the current way of adding keyword and description meta tags to a document. Here is what to do:

Add this code to the top of mospaging.php which can be found in the mambots/content folder:

function AddKeywords( &$content )
{
global $mainframe;
$mainframe->appendMetaTag( ‘keywords’, $content[1] );
}

function AddDescription( &$content )
{
global $mainframe;
$mainframe->appendMetaTag( ‘description’, $content[1] );
}

Scroll down to this code (roughly line 130)

// page counter
$row->text .= ‘<div class=”pagenavcounter”>’;
$row->text .= $pageNav->writeLeafsCounter();
$row->text .= ‘</div>’;

// page text
$row->text .= $text[$page];

Add the following code after it:

// add keywords to the header
$regex = ‘#{keywords}*(.*?){/keywords}#s’;
$row->text = preg_replace_callback( $regex, ‘AddKeywords’, $row->text );

// add description to the header
$regex = ‘#{description}*(.*?){/description}#s’;
$row->text = preg_replace_callback( $regex, ‘AddDescription’, $row->text );

To use it put the keywords and description in the relevent tags in your content pane like this:

{keywords}here, are, some, keywords{/keywords}

{description}here is the description{/description}

Happy SEOing 🙂

May 24, 2007

Doctor Who fan

Filed under: General — Joe Brewer @ 12:56 pm

Tardis

I am quite a big fan of Dr Who, and having grown up watching the fifth doctor I naturally think he was the best, although the current one seems to be doing a pretty good job. One of the great things about the old Dr Who episodes is that the stories would be split across different episodes, with each one either leaving the doctor in mortal danger or some other cliff hanger which would leave you pining for the next episode.

Some of these stories are currently available on youtube, although I don’t know for how long considering how everyone and their dog now wants to sue google for copyright infringement. Anyway, I have put them into chronological order for your entertainment pleasure, so you can relive the bad acting and incidental music:

Season nineteen

Castrovalva – The doctor recovers from his regeneration
Four To Doomsday
Kinda
The Visitation – The doctor starts the great fire of London
Black Orchid
Earthshock – Adric dies
Time-Flight – The doctor goes supersonic

The Five Doctors – The doctor celebrates his birthday by having some friends round

Season twenty

Arc of Infinity
Snakedance

The Guardian Trilogy:
Mawdryn Undead – The doctor aquires a new assistant
Terminus – Nyssa leaves (I was gutted as I used to have a crush on her!)
Enlightenment – The doctor goes sailing

The King’s Demons – I couldn’t find this story

Season twenty-one

Warriors of the Deep
The Awakening
Frontios – The doctor loses his Tardis
Resurrection of the Daleks – Tegan decides to leave the doctor and stay on Earth
Planet of Fire – Turlough leaves and Peri joins the doctor as the new assistant
The Caves of Androzani – Time for another regeneration

Enjoy!

May 23, 2007

Sick leave

Filed under: Funny Stuff — Joe Brewer @ 1:00 pm

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I
thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was “CRAZY” and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked “What are you doing?” I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.” I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her “… And where do you think you’re going?”

(You’re gonna love this…..)

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

She said, “I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark.”

Powered by WordPress